A New Chorus

The guitars rise
As they softly thrum,
Murmurs of calm,
A peace to come.
The violins cry out in haunting tones
Singing of a pain long gone,
But never let go,
And never forgot.
The piano sounds out
With plaintive melody -
A lone voice on the wind,
A lost child deep within.
The cymbals clash
With endless energy,
A touch, a dream, a fantasy,
Joyous and ecstatic,
Alone and melancholic,
A song breaks out,
Building to richer melody.
Light, playful sounds dance around
And then give way
To something beautiful,
Something more -
A deeper, soulful score.
Aching sounds give way,
As the must eventually,
To the inevitable -
To rapturous beauty.
And beneath it all,
Carrying through,
With sweet burning tenderness,
My heartstrings hum for you.

Quietitude

The waters are suddenly still
Though I feel the wind blow through my soul.
Slowly, all sound ebbs away
As silence, pregnant with joy, descends.
The world has stopped turning,
The clouds have ceased
Their aimless wandering across the sky,
Not a leaf moves
Nor a mole, nor a mouse,
Nor even the tiniest of creatures
That make up our life.
The world has gone quiet,
If only for a moment -
That stretches out impossibly in my mind.
My restless soul is hushed
As I come to terms with this beauty
And my beating heart is slowly stilled
When you kiss me.

Stargazing

A star was born
In right earnest,
A bright light
That shone through the void -
Brought about by aeons of coldness
And an expanding universe
Running away from its own beginnings
And unable to escape.
And this dear star shone
And burnt through the nothingness,
Till something beautiful existed -
Many worlds,
And life,
And love.
And though it has not yet been
A hundred years,
It feels like it has been this way
Since the world began
Or at least my own -
Like my entire universe
Has been waiting,
Holding its breath,
In fear of blowing out the flame of hope
That one day, just this would exist.

I know that star is far away,
But I find myself caught at night,
Gazing up at the dazzled sky,
Even through cloud and rain and mist,
Peaceful in the knowledge that my star exists
And is out there,
Waiting till we can see each other again.

Smuggling

The Government of Yourheart
Once decided, in arbitrary fashion,
As governments are wont to do,
To impose trade restrictions
On the to and fro
Between these two hearts
That share a common people.
Left with not much choice,
Than to lose his floundering business,
This poor trader and loved one,
Resorted to underhand tactics.
So everyday, he'd smuggle,
Across a hostile border,
A flirtatious thought,
A smile,
A glance,
A moment's dreamy gander.
And the strangest thing he found,
As he plied his lovelorn trade
In heartfelt word and verse and kiss,
That the government's most ardent efforts
To crack down upon his unlawful business
Just went, as always, amiss.
The people of Yourheart, it seems,
Wanted the goods he plied,
And when his love, he professed,
Yourheart, with love, replied.
And so things went along,
Under the Government's nose,
And that, I guess,
Is just how,
A story like this goes -
Till one day the regime changed,
At least the trading one,
And no more limits placed,
Or tariffs or quotas either,
Though, this trader,
To be true,
Paid heed to neither.
And a great rejoicing was heard,
Though not a thing had changed,
The love, you see, if you'll look
Had kept on flowing through.
It mattered not, to anyone,
What the Government sought.
So despite the best efforts
Of a draconian regime,
The barriers were lifted
And, at last,
An 'Us', a 'We',
Well... it just existed.

Let Me List The Ways

I love your mind,
I love its probing, questioning nature -
The way it picks apart
At all the little details,
And the grammar, and the spellings.
I love our anal arguments
About what's pronounced how
And why, and what it means.

I loved you
From the minute we first talked.
I loved the way your eyes lit up
At the words, 'I don't" -
A response to your probey question,
About reconciling reason and faith -
And the fires that burned in them
As we spent an hour,
That seemed so much less,
Talking, just talking,
Oblivious to the world.

I love your heartfelt messages
And emails and letters,
That you send all of a sudden
And ambush me with,
Kidnapping my heart and soul,
And taking off
For an imagined tryst
In a faraway forested glade.

I love your stumbles
And how you try
To walk only on the cracks
While I try only between them
And we bumble along,
Arms linked,
Lovers lost in their own world.

I love your intrepid fingers,
And how they trace the lines,
The corns on my own,
And how they poke,
In almost tickle-inducing ways,
At my pockets,
When we go exploring
The countryside by bike.

I love how you're contrary,
Sometimes, just to be contrary
And arbitrary, just because
And stubborn, though you rarely are,
And then, suddenly yielding,
Like a southwest-sauced fingertip,
Because you feel like it.

I love how my mind feels
After conversations with you,
Like I've drunk a potion
And everything is clear,
Like wisdom checks don't matter,
So bonused am I.
I love how geeky that sounds,
And how true too
Of what you do to me.

I love that through your fears,
No matter how scared you are,
You turn to me with love.
And when I'm scared,
And the shadows creep long and nimble,
You hold me
And love me to bits
Till the morning comes.

I love the way our eyes meet
Across the table,
Even when we're trying,
As try we must
Or we don't manage,
To be sociable -
So we don't weave ourselves
Into the comfortable cocoon
Of our conversations,
Of our love,
To the exclusion of all else.

I love the stolen moments,
When stuck in a group,
And feeling so un-groupy -
When we'd get away,
If we only could,
But can't
And make do with what we can.

I love your naggy girlfriend mode,
Even back when things were 'unofficial',
And how you force me to sleep
Despite my worst protests.
I love the constant indignation
At my need to refine and refine
And refine some more -
The way you push me to finish my work
And publish it,
Instead of letting it languish -
Unread and unloved by you -
A lost child in limbo.

I love your lips,
When they part,
And your smile shines through,
When they press against my own,
And send me flying across the universe,
Awash upon a sea of you.
I love the way one kiss
Leads to just one more,
And then just one quick one,
And then some -
The way we have to try so hard
Just to pull apart.

I love the way my head swims,
In a way it never has,
When you do more than kiss me.

I love how eight hours,
Or six-and-a-half, or seven,
Can disappear so quickly
In a breeze,
Of shared food and kisses,
And both in combination.

I love how natural
It feels to lose myself in you,
How I feel almost subsumed,
And still myself,
How I feel more like myself
Than I've ever done before,
How the image of the me I want
Becomes more real every day.

I love the exquisite taste
Of you upon my tongue
And the way I drift off
Into a surreal, gooey trance
With your arms wrapped around me
And mine around you -
Our lips and hearts pressed together
Like facing pages
In the most beautiful story ever written.

I love how words,
Even the most beautiful yet,
Are just not equal,
And never could be,
To the beauty of this thing we have.
I love how every time
I think I ought to finish this,
One more line, then one more verse,
Pops into my head,
Full of love and memory.

I love that I spent so many words
And lines, and ways,
Just to say a simple thing:
I love you.

Inevitability

The inevitability of this confluence
Echoes through all our possible futures
Drawing us slowly into a universe
Where exactly this will happen
And when it does,
It will do so gloriously.

Daybreak

A new day is dawning
On a planet cold and bare -
Dark clouds that blocked my view
Part, burnt by golden glare.
A new sun is rising
In a sky born blue at last
Saved from bleak obscurity
That abounded in its past.
A new ocean is forming
Where was only ice floe
And the coldness recedes
As warm winds start to blow.
A new land is waking
From a slumber aeons old
Beating out the feelings,
Coming in from the cold.
A new mountain is standing
In dawn's melodic light -
Removed, at last, from the pall
That hung through endless night.
And new plants are growing
Where earlier were none
And more animals walking
Than e'er seen 'neath our sun.
A new world is beckoning
To this new, free heart of mine.
Held enthralled, I seem to be,
Suspended here in time.
A new life is being lived
And new feelings awoken,
Goodness and love exist,
Tho' not one word is spoken.
And now my view closes up
And I see my own bright day;
Hand in hand we go along,
Together, quiet, on our way.

Loyalty

Love is not conformity
Or based upon agreement
Or even mere opinion.
Love is not about
Doing what you're told,
Or what is best for you.
Love is not precluded
By different beliefs or thoughts
Or heated argument.
Love goes beyond that,
To something bigger
And soul-encompassing -
Love is knowing
I love you,
Even when I'm angry,
Even when I hate what you say or do,
Even when I wish you'd just go away,
For just that moment,
When rash feelings cloud out the truth.
Love is loyalty;
Not in the sense
That you or I do
What the other mandates,
But that it exists
Despite not matching up,
In spite of our differences.
It is saying
My loyalty goes deeper
Than mere opinion,
Deeper,
Than what you say or do or think,
It is saying
That you don't have to be in my image
For me to love you.
It is saying
That I will always love you
Despite disparity.
And that
Is what I love most
About this family.

Pretense

I don't want to miss you
I don't want to pine for you
So I hide from it,
Like the last snowflake in the sun
Clutching its crystals to itself,
Trying to hold its story together,
Hiding behind abstractions,
Hiding behind fantasies.
I tell myself you'll love me forever,
You'll be crazy about me
And this enforced time will make us realize
How we cannot be apart.
But I know it's just as likely
That we know nothing:
That life has something else in mind...
So I try to break free and create a new story,
But it can only be that -
A work of fiction, beautiful and poetic,
Powerful and moving,
Untrue, nonetheless.
Is it fair,
To anyone, that I do this?
Am I not prolonging the pain,
Holding on to the sword that pierced me,
Digging it in deeper to remind myself
That I was here
And it was glorious
And worth fighting for.
But was it?
Why didn't we fight, then?
Why did we surrender like cowards,
Unconvinced by their own arguments?
Why did we let it go, if it meant so much?
And why do I agonize over it now,
When it is too late...

Cellestial Collisions

Are we just planets
Passing in the void?
Do you really think
In all the great, vast universe,
Two souls such as ours
Tailor made to each other
Would be created
And, against all odds,
Pass by each other
With no real meaning
Behind it?
I have been sucked into your orbit
By forces deeper
And stronger than I
And now we face a choice -
Do we pass on
Axes knocked akilter
From our brief and powerful interaction?
Or do we risk crashing into each other
To create something new
And beautiful and better?
Or both be blasted into oblivion
Scattered remnants
Through boundless emptiness?
Our paths would intersect
But once awhile
Unless they merge to form one course -
A celestial coupling
To stand time's test.

The Makings of an Elf

She has an inner grace,
That makes her special,
That makes you cherish knowing her
Or even of her.
She walks - an otherworldly creature,
An ethereal beauty,
Almost divinity;
As if her human form
Is not enough
To contain the sublimity inside.
Her eyes shine,
With the brilliance of a beautiful intelligence
Trapped within mortal flesh.
Despite the elegance
Radiating from her,
She seems reluctant,
Almost resistant,
To interact with the world on it's own terms -
Every now and again,
She stumbles,
And rights herself,
As if not yet used to this form -
Removed from the world,
But part of it.
She reaches out
And touches the things around her,
As if they,
As well as her fingers,
Are entirely new things
To experience
With a wonder that takes the breath away.
She grins,
A playful, impish smile,
Twinkling eyes
You know you'll get lost in,
If you don't hold back,
Except you can't.

Aoristic

I can feel the waters flow
Through my soul
With a soft, gentle rush,
Through my veins -
Powerful forces,
Subtle complexities;
Nuances, exquisite beauties
From an infinite source,
Flowing softly, satin-like,
Crystal clear and sparkling -
An endless progress
To the tranquil sea.
Do you know
What you've done?
Do you see
What you are to me?
The stars went out that night
In an explosion in your eyes
As you held my hand
And my heart at your command.

Please

I roam this barren wasteland
And everywhere I see your name
Carved into the rocks and stones and trees
Of my heart.
Please don't leave me here alone
This world was made for us
I am broken without you
Hollow and barely alive.
My heart exists for you
To hold you up
And be held up in return
To stand by you in times of need
To bask
In the glorious beauty of your soul.
Please accept it,
It's all I have to give.

Ocean Swells

Currents flow between us
Carrying more than words ever could
We speak with hands and mouths,
With eyes and gentle lips,
With arms and legs and fingers,
With knees and toes and hips.
There's peace upon this subtle swell
As we stare past the horizon
And deep into each other's world
As it dawns upon us.
So we find ourselves,
Drifting on an ocean wind
And trailing our searching hands
Into the waves behind
And we hold our hearts to each other
Offered 'pon gilded platter,
Our fears put on view
Our vulnerabilities unlocked -
I trust you,
I love you,
I hope you will not hurt me -
And then, we lean apart
As each needs their time
To tend to such as ours
And what is ours alone
But then, we take a breath
And realize at once,
Apart we never were,
We drift together again.

Quenchless

You are the force behind me,
Driving me forward
Into uncharted territory,
Then dragging me back to the map,
A tired but triumphant explorer.
I want you beside me,
As we roam the deep blue yonder,
With wonder in our eyes,
Awe and love in our hearts,
And a yearning in our hands and souls.

Magic

If you should ever
Be in need
And none but magic
Could pay you heed,
Grab hold dear love,
Of this: your chance
To read words
In which faeries dance.

If the world's magic
I could put to line
I place it here
For the darkest times,
To serve you well
And fight all wrong
To guard your heart
When the night is long.
So if you ever
Feel quite lost,
I've used up
All my faerie dust
To beg for you,
My sweet, my love,
Angels' peace
From up above.

I pray my strength
Will flow through this
And yours too,
Should grow from this.
If things real grim
Begin to look,
Take your phone
And take this book,
I'll fly to you on angels' wings
The second that
The phone will ring.
It is my offer,
A heartfelt gift,
That through hard times,
Your spirits lift
And across the miles,
Once more,
You feel, again,
My hand in yours.

A Slow Dance

An unabashed smile
Lights up the night for us.
Your eyes spark
And your soul shines
Through the dust and grit
Of a selfish city,
And a lightness bubbles up
From deep within me.

Slowly,
Sedately,
We dance,
In direct contradiction
To the state of our feelings
And the racing thoughts inside.
We move and the music plays;
A beat escapes
And finds its way
Into already warmed hearts.

Remember Us

When you get scared
And think this is just a dream,
Or some passing fantasy,
Remember,
All the times we've shared;
Remember the talks we've had;
Remember the way we talk,
Oblivious to the world,
Floating across the cosmos
In our own little bubble
Of space and time;
Remember the tenderness in my eyes,
When I look at you with love,
As I always do;
Remember our walks,
The stumbles against me,
The way I catch you every time,
The way we lean together,
And continue along,
Hand in hand;
Remember the nigh tangible connection
From all the love between us;
Remember our almost fights,
And how, throughout them,
We love each other,
In the midst of even anger;
Remember how I hold you
Every time the shadows come;
Remember how our love
Chases them away;
Remember each touch,
Each kiss, each look,
Each moment of longing,
When our souls fly together
And cry out in unison:
This is perfect,
This is beautiful,
This is ours.

Relinquishment

I held back from you
Because I thought you wanted that
But everything inside me,
And you, if we are true to ourselves,
Is pushing towards something else,
Something beautiful -
A warm comfort,
A sensuous place.
And now, I think of it,
I begin to realize,
That we are best,
When we let go
Of the thoughts that hold us fixed,
That keep the status quo,
Because hearts like ours,
Which are always searching,
Just cannot remain,
As they have always been.
What was must change,
And flow with time,
Like the waves we watched,
When we sat close
And breathed the same air,
When I had to resist
The smell of your hair
And the smile in your eyes,
As you looked at me,
And through me,
And into my soul,
When I felt your heart beating
So close to mine.

You

You're the pleasurable ache between my shoulderblades -
A lightness of being
That leaves me feeling weak
And fearful of the future,
Though still elated.
You're a sonorous melody on the wind
That sings my heart into a trance -
A wild passionate ecstasy that grips me
In the strangest places,
That I cannot hold back from
That I cannot resist.

Of Love and Life and Why

My Pixie, my love, my Elf,

This is a chronicle of love, in all it's forms, a history of beautiful things that have happened in my life, moments that seemed blessed or still seem blessed (by the meaning derived from and associated with them, not by any supernatural power ;)) - moments like those I share with you, like those I long to share with you in the future.

Some of the poetry and writing here wasn't written for you or about you; some applies to amazing people who've affected my life in different ways; but every one is up here for you and in your honour. I'd never have the intrepidity to bare bits of my soul so freely, were it not for you.

I know that, sometimes, the future seems a scary, uncertain place. I know that you're scared of losing what you hope to have. I know that the world is a random and not always benevolent place. But I also know we have something beautiful ahead of us. Something warm and kind and beautiful, something strong and alive and enduring, something wild, untamed and incredible - so much so that our best efforts have failed miserably to contain it, time after time.

This is my heartsong. It is my expression of love for you - indulging your love for the written word and, if I'm charitable to myself (;)), myself - so you can always know, without a doubt, how much you mean to me.

This is my labour of love.